My lovely sister Lauren has been doing a Bible study called "What's in Your Thought Closet?" by Jennifer Rothschild and she kindly sent me a link to part of the book so I could follow along too. It took me about two seconds to realize that I have things in my thought closet from years and years ago that are sometimes pushed to the back and forgotten but will spill out occassionally. I desperately need to make myself over and through this Bible study I realized that I don't just need to make myself over for me, but also for God. Through different Bible verses, Rothschild made me realize that my thoughts are not just hurtful to me and other people, but also to God. He made me exactly how he wanted to and through my hurtful thoughts I am demeaning his creation. God does not want me to condemn myself and only think negatively.
Something I have always struggled with is God's willingness to love those who are not perfect and who do evil things. I regularly feel undeserving of God's love and forgiveness and that's probably why I am so hard on myself. While having a conversation with my Mom, she reminded me that I can't truly love others until I love myself. I am nowhere close to that. I think I am going to have to start with the concept that I am loved by God before I can fathom that it is okay to love myself. I have no problem loving others, in fact I truly think I love lots of other people more than I love myself and many times I also feel unworthy of their love.
This Bible study has really opened my eyes and made me take a deep look at myself and my relationship with God and others. I've only done the first two days and I need to order the book so I can finish. Although it is probably the most difficult thing in the world to look deep inside ourselves and reveal the secrets that lie within, it can also be the most rewarding and lifechanging experience.
Some of my favorite Bible verses that I found tonight were:
Psalms 56:4
"In God, whose words I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can mortal man do to me?"
Jeremiah 29:11
"I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not evil, to give you a future and a hope."
Proverbs 16:3
"Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed."
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